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Name's Alisha. 21 years old. Loves to write in my free time. Wrestling is a HUGE part of my life - deal with it. Don't trash it in front of me. I'm OBSESSED with Daughtry!
» Eve Torres successfully defends the Diva’s Championship at Over the Limit 2010
Hello MTV, welcome to my crib
That is a boss Zefron poster.
THE NOSE. THE NOSE.
LUCIUS MALFOY. LUCIUS MALFOY.
(Source: riddlemetom, via roryna)
My Life Currently…
So I posted this the other day on my Blogger account, but just in case some didn’t see this, here you go. Now you can get a perspective on what’s going on right now in case any of you are worried.
Okay, so I know it’s been a while - actually, that’s an understatement, it’s been forever - since I’ve done this, but I figured since there’s so much going on in my head right now that it’s best to just let it out here as opposed to keeping it all bottled up like I have been. That hasn’t been working very well for me as of late, seeing as I tend to cry when no one’s around and when I’m in the privacy of my own bedroom. That’s not the point.
Where do I even begin?
I guess I’ll start at the basics before I delve into the more complicated things. So I still have no job. I’m constantly online, searching and applying and I am just not having any luck whatsoever. As you can see it’s quite frustrating to be in my position. Technically, I guess babysitting is my job, but that’s hardly bringing in any money. I have to share half the money I get from it with my sister since she “helps” out with my nephew, but I honestly don’t think that’s fair considering she has an ACTUAL job and is bringing in the dough. That hundred I would get every two weeks would do me quite nicely to be honest. It’s just a mess. Don’t get me wrong, I adore and am crazy about my nephew, I love that little boy to pieces, but I can’t rely on babysitting for the rest of my life.
Not to mention, it’s extremely depressing when you have sisters complaining about their jobs all the time to you. I keep telling them how lucky they are to have a job to complain about. It’s just super annoying. To be honest, I’m depressed. I’ve figured it out. I’m not mentally in a good place at all. I hear about everyone going to school or going to work, and what the hell do I have? Nothing. And I keep wondering what I’ve done to be in such an awful predicament, but I haven’t figured out the kinks yet. I’m trying to be really optimistic, thinking that things will turn around and get better, but they always seem to get worse for my family and me.
My Dad, the poor guy, has to work out of state because he can’t find anything in town either and it sucks not having him here all the time. I know things would be way easier. My little siblings definitely aren’t helping my Mom out by incessantly being at one another’s throats. She has this gigantic hernia that we can’t get taken of right now because the insurance my Dad has at his shitty job is shitty. So right now I am praying for a miracle. I just don’t get why bad things happen to good people. I’m constantly praying to God, asking him for help, and by no means am I second guessing Him, but I just don’t know if he’s hearing me or what.
I’m starting to distance myself from people, not deliberately either - I think that has to do with my depression. It’s been at all-time high lately. I hate this.
I don’t have much of a social life either - that’s because I don’t have a car or a license for that matter so I can’t come and go as I please. I’m sure I’d be going out with friends more if I did. It all goes back to me having a job so I can afford a car. I hate having to rely on people for things. That’s not in my nature. I want to be independent, not dependent.
The only thing I look forward to everyday is waking up; how sad is that? I don’t have a job I can grunt about and get pissed because I have to wake up early for it. Believe me, to those who think I’m lucky because I have no responsibilities, you’re seriously deranged. I hate sitting at home all day, staring at the ugly walls in my house, losing my dang mind because I feel like I’m suffocating. That’s how bad it is. So yeah, you may have a job you hate, but at least you have something to feel about in your life.
Oh, my favorite, I have a crush - I tried avoiding it for a while, just saying I thought he was cute, but that didn’t work out as planned. I met him a few years ago back in 2010 from my sister, who he works with, when she and a few co-workers went bowling and I got invited. I was so tipsy at the time and that was the only moment when I felt confident enough to surprisingly pursue a conversation with him, except I’m pretty sure I was aggressive with my questions.
I have him on my Facebook so I could easily engage another conversation with him, the only problem is is that I’m pretty sure I’m not the type of girl he would be interested in. Let’s be honest, him and I probably - to my knowledge - have nothing in common. He’s a big gym person and me, I’m too lazy to remotely work out, so that would probably be a turn off to him. And this goes back to my self esteem problems. He’s so cute and I’m just… well I’ll let you fill in the blank. Besides, with the way my luck is going now, this will wind up being a waste of time too.
So yeah, that’s my life in a nutshell. It’s great, isn’t it? I just have to keep living by this motto: No matter how bad you think you have it, someone out there has it worse.
I think that’s about it and this didn’t make me feel any better at all. I thought it would help a bit, but it didn’t.
-A
